Detach, but hey, don’t get lost, don’t be aloof.
Love deeply but don’t attach, don’t entangle.
Keep them safe. Set them free
Oh god, there is a million of them.
The rules. The
rules, the belief systems, all carved in stone, unless that is,
except when – (fill in the blank)
Paradoxes and illusions. We buy into them all the time.
I walk the line
with all my beliefs. I buy into them partially, just in case, that is,
except when I don’t.
Kids need structure. Don’t fence them in.
Ach!! What’s a poor thinking person to do?
I think of Buddha
living life in one extreme of richness, then swinging wildly
to other extreme of giving up everything, of
total
poverty, then
coming back to center. To balance, to the middle way.
The middle way has tinges of both extremes in
its
center land of
gray. Not all black not all white. The gray way.
Sometimes the gray way feels blah
Not the brilliance of white
Not the deep void of endless black
Its neither
Its both
It feels like fog somedays
It feels like sitting on a fence
It feels like walking
the line and never taking a stance, never fully black
never fully white.
I want to land here, but where? In the land of gray?
I want to tell
a story, but this IS my story. Wanting to be fully something
but not being quite anything fully, I feel like
a little bit of everything,
a mish mash of the palette. And it feels bland.
Yet I am alive, I am in a body
and I want to be passionately
blindly bright
white to dazzle, but I want to get lost in the shadows too,
to fade into nothingness and mingle with the
no-ones, nowhere
and not care, to hide in the kingdom of dark.
Yet I want to shine.
Again the paradox.
I am a paradox. It applies to everything in my life,
to everything I think of, so much so that I cannot
land
in any one spot
to speak of it, because it spirals endlessly inward and outward
and just how do you capture that with words,
I could show you
in the dreamtime easily, but not here, not with words,
maybe a feeling will come thru the curves
of these letters but I cannot land in the land
of black
and traipse into the white and keep this exact
shade of dove grey.
I feel like one of those hypnotic spirals of
black and white
that spin and lose definition.
I think this is
making no sense, but then I have captured the essence
of paradox haven’t I? Yeah!
Its mixed
up, it’ll shake your head, and rattle your cages and
leave you wondering, huh??
I am very
good at making people go huh? Mainly because
that’s what I am thinking too. Huh?
In rereading this,
the image of the yinyang symbol pops up. Of course.
How trite. How true. How perfect. How simple.
Capturing that
which makes me stumble, what seems so hard to describe,
in the simplest of drawings. Duh says my
monkey. Duhhhhhh.
*Antara* howling in the forest wearing a hundred shades of gray