Lesson number one ...

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.  A small rabbit saw the crow,
and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"  The crow
answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the  crow,
and rested.  All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the
top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
"They're packed with nutrients."  The turkey pecked at a lump of dung
and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first
branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached
the second branch.  Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched
at the top of  the tree.  Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey
out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson number three ...

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain
said, " I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and
functions."  The feet said, " We should be Boss as we carry the brain about
and get him to where he wants to go."  The hands said, "We should be the
Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money." And so it went on
and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up.
All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole
went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the
eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs
began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole
should be the Boss, so the motion was passed.  All the other parts did all the work
while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!

Moral of the story:
You don't need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will do.

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realise how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon  began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!

Moral of the story:
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut.