Why
I like Jews
I
would like today to hail and praise two men. Why? Well, why not? In this
fractious
world we could use more praise, because praise generates good
vibes.
These
two are as different as chalk and cream cheese. One is a revered but
controversial
film-maker while the second is a revered but controversial
academic.
Aside from the startling similarities of the words “revered” and
“controversial”,
I couldn’t think of anything to tie Woody Allen and Harold
Bloom
together.
And
then it hit me, like a light from above, or a ton of bricks coming down
a
chute: They’re both Jewish. But of course! It all came back to me, the
fact
that I’ve always been interested in Jews and have always wanted to like
them,
or at least some of them.
Where
did I get this desire, when other guys my age were content with
fire-engines
and exploring the mysteries of the female anatomy? Well, part
of
it has to do with the natural tone of my personality, which has great big
dollops
of the contrarian.
I
don’t know if you noticed this, but Jews are, in this country, a natural
outlet
for any kind of rabid paranoia. The way same some people talk, you’d
think
that these hook-nosed usurious beings are lurking around every corner,
ready
to kidnap our babies, cripple our banks and topple our entire value
system
– all before breakfast.
Naturally
enough, most of us have never even met anyone of the Jewish
persuasion,
so this enables these dark libels to fester and grow like some
kind
of loathsome fungus. This is always the cue for someone like me to step
in
and say: “Well, well, what have we here?”
Several
different aspects of me will gel to create this unusual interest.
One
part subscribes fully to Oscar Wilde’s saying: “Wickedness is a myth
invented
to account for the curious attractiveness of others.” And another
part
is a living, breathing, throbbing demonstration of Mae West’s dictum:
“When
I’m stuck between two evils, I always pick the one I haven’t tried
before.”
So put them together, and you have a Wilde-West scenario explaining
my
fondness for Jews.
I
still recall the first time I had a Jewish acquaintance. His name was Ari
and
I spent an inordinate amount of time looking at the shape of his head
during
our first conversation. I said with a genuine wonder, “I thought
you
people have horns growing out of your heads!” His reply was instant –
and
classic: “Well, I combed my hair differently today.”
It
was one of those Quotable Quotes that made you want to rush back to write
down,
and despair even further that the only friends you have these days are
dullards
whose idea of scorching wit is recounting what happened on Senario
last
night. Ah, the friends of yesterday always seem suffused with gold, and
in
my case I’m glad a few of them were of the Goldberg variety.
That
kind of mercurial wit, so hard to categorise but so easy to remember,
is
precisely what I associate with Woody Allen. Some of you may think of him
only
as a nervy, nebbish auteur of thinning charms, but there was a time
when
he was also one of the most accomplished prose humourists around. That
voice
of his – which can be sometimes grating and self-indulgent in his
movies
– found perfect expression in prose collections which had titles like
Getting
Even, Side Effects and Without Feathers.
These
essays and stories brilliantly showcase his absurdist, semi-surreal
comic
sense and sensibility. The emphasis is on bathos and self-deprecation,
but
you just never know what will happen next. I mean, all his books have
this
line in the author bio: “His one regret in life is that he is not
someone
else.”
My
favourite short story of his is “The Whore of Mensa,” a knockabout parody
in
which a girl is busted for the crime of visiting strange men in their
rooms
to discuss, for a fee, literature and philosophy. The vernacular of
hooking
is fused with the conventions of intellectual discourse; the piece
ends
up spoofing both and yet exists in some untouchable place beyond them.
As
Allen himself once said: “It’s the most fun you can have with your
clothes
on.”
The
question remains, though: Is there something about Allen’s brand of
humour
that is fundamentally Jewish? (No, this has nothing to do with Jewish
fundamentalism).
The consensus affirms this, although humour is a bitch to
pin
down. There’s a wry, dry sense of neurosis, the kind we get from fellow
Jews
like Dorothy Parker and Jerry Seinfeld. Who knows how it got there? Far
better
to just gasp in appreciation.
Now
even people who dislike Jews acknowledge, sometimes very grouchily, that
the
race has a reputation for reading and learning. This brings me neatly to
Harold
Bloom, the astonishingly erudite professor of literature who has
written
and edited dozens of books. He’s someone to admire in an age where
people
need to lie down with a cold towel on their foreheads after composing
a
postcard.
Unlike
Allen, he doesn’t have a great sense of humour and this must count as
a
flaw. But the rabbinical fervour he invests in the study of literature
is
enough
to inspire anyone. He has at every stage in his long career battled
conventional
pieties to do with the benefits of literature and later
“political
correctness.”
The
first book of his that I read was his fuss-making “The Western Canon”,
his
passionate argument for the centrality of literature in human thought.
He
listed the 1,000 most important books in this canon and of COURSE it’s
terribly
subjective and eccentric but that’s OK because he’s fighting the
good
fight. Read him.
Judaism
is not the same as Zionism. The latter is a racist, imperialist
political
philosophy that deserves all sorts of “Boo! Hiss!” reactions. When
the
two are unfairly conflated by demagogues here in their perennial pursuit
of
new bogeys to distract the public’s attention from the real wrongs in
this
country, we should be more than miffed. We’re being patronised -- yet
again.
Besides, I believe I once pointed out that some of the most
vociferous
anti-Zionists are Jews.
The
accomplishments of Allen and Bloom are there to see, but if we don’t
take
the trouble to even get to know them, we impoverish ourselves. Who will
be
the winner then? I don’t know, but it certainly ain’t you or me. If Bloom
can
acknowledge the spiritual power of the Quran in “The Western Canon,”
there’s
no reason why we can’t similarly let intellectual responsibility
overcome
imposed prejudice.
OK,
I’ll remove my agent provocateur outfit and come clean. At the end of
the
day, this search for the defining traits of a particular race may be
futile.
We can only aspire to take the best from the best of a group. It
seems
fitting to end with some characteristic Bloom:
"What
is supposed to be the very essence of Judaism - which is the notion
that
it is by study that you make yourself a holy people - is nowhere
present
in Hebrew tradition before the end of the first or the beginning of
the
second century of the Common Era. It is perfectly clear that the notion
reached
the Rabbis directly or indirectly from the writings of Plato,
because
it is a thoroughly Platonic notion. And yet it has become more
characteristic
of normative Jewish tradition than of any other Western
tradition
still available to us. I take that to be an instance of why one
should
distrust any statements about the ontological or historical
purity
or priority of any spiritual tradition whatsoever."
There’s a deep message embedded in there, if we only care to look. Shalom!
* Amir
Muhammad’s e-mail address is kancah@pc.jaring.my