A Punny Thing Happened On My Way To The Outhouse

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten
different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the
craft it sank, proving once and for all, that you can't have your kayak,
and heat it too.

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and
became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the
lesser of two weevils.

Did you hear about the Yogi who refused his dentist's Novocaine during
root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the
lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour,
the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?"
they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess
nuts boasting in an open foyer."

A woman had twins, and gave them up for adoption. One of them went to a
family in Egypt and was named "Amal." The other went to a family in Spain,
and they named him "Juan." Years later, Juan sent a picture of himself to
his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she told her husband that she wished
she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responded, "But they are twins.
If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a
small florist shop to raise the money. Everyone liked to buy flowers from
the men of God, but the rival florist across town thought the competition
was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He
went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. He asked his
mother to go and ask the friars to get out of business. They ignored her
too. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the toughest and most
vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars
and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close their
shop. Terrified, they did so - thereby proving... are you ready for this?!
...are you sure?... that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

[forwarded by Marina Shilo]

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