Quotes

PERSONAL QUOTEBOOK
(an ongoing concern)

"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."

"Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground,
and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off."

- Author Unknown

"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within."
- Author Unknown

"I awake in the morning,
        torn between a desire to save the world,
        and a desire to savor the world.
        That makes it hard to plan the day."

- E.H. White

<>"Don't get even. Get odd."
- Swami Beyondananda

God has no religion.
- Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (1869-1948)

1. Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
2. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it.
    For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
3. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to
    the end of his chain and gag himself.
4. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
5. Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
6. A penny saved is a government oversight.
7. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time,
    but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
8. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and
    your fat are really good friends.
9. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
10. He who hesitates is probably right.
11. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
12. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

"The only burning passion I'm sure I have is the passion for sex."
- Robert Crumb

"Outside of a dog, books are man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
- Groucho Marx

"Art is not a mirror to reflect reality,
but a hammer with which to shape it."
-- Bertolt Brecht

"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed -- and
thus clamorous to be led to safety -- by menacing it with an endless series
of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary."
-- H.L. Mencken

"There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
- Albert Einstein

"Monotheism breeds fanatical anthropocentrism,
which eventually destroys Earth."
(The Prophet Isaiah, as channelled by Barbara Hand Clow in The Pleiadian Agenda)

"Where there is secrecy, there is no truth;
where there is no truth, there is no justice;
where there is no justice, there is no freedom."
- Unknown

"THE GERMANS COULD HAVE HAD NIETZSCHE BUT THEY SETTLED FOR HITLER."
- David Bowie

If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.
Government is a health hazard. Governments have killed many more people than cigarettes or unbuckled seat belts ever have. Government contains impure ingredients - as anybody who's looked at Congress can tell you... Government should be against the law. Term limits aren't enough. We need jail.

There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences.

- P.J. O'Rourke

"Universe is plural at minimum sixfold."
- R. Buckminster Fuller

"We cannot solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."

- Albert Einstein

"A neurotic is a person who builds a castle in the air.

A psychotic is the person who lives in it.

A psychiatrist is the one who collects the rent."

- Jerome Lawrence

"If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning."
- Catherine Aird

"The future is beyond knowing, but the present is beyond belief."

- William Irwin Thompson

Action is the antidote to despair.
- Joan Baez

If ignorance is bliss why are so many people unhappy? (contributed by Chris Smith)

I've found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time.

Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.

I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.

Suburbia: where they tear out the trees and then
name streets after them.

I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.

Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.

I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

~ contributed by pauline wilson ~

By that famous fellow, Anonymous:
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy;
Other times I let him sleep.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

"Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying,
but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?"
-- Lily Tomlin

"Time is what keeps everything from happening all at once."
- Chronos

"I get enough exercise just pushing my luck."
- Bumper Sticker

THINGS I WISH I HAD SAID (contributed by Antara)

Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

Allow me to introduce my selves.

Back off! You're standing in my aura.

How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

It's sick the way you people keep having sex without me.

I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

Earth is full. Go home.

"It's far too late for anything but magick, as the future is clearly up for grabs."
- Antero Alli

JKL

DON'T WALK IN FRONT OF ME
I MAY NOT FOLLOW
DON'T WALK BEHIND ME
I MAY NOT LEAD
WALK BESIDE ME
AND JUST BE MY FRIEND.

- Albert Camus

Anything is possible, but only a few things actually happen.
-- Richard Rosen

Reason can answer questions, but imagination has to ask them.
-- Ralph N. Gerard

No one finds life worth living; he must make it worth living.
-- Anonymous

Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else.
-- James Matthew Barrie

The reason why worry kills more people than work is that
more people worry than work.
-- Robert Frost

contributed by Andy Mann

A Cure for Ugliness
(aka The Protestant Work Ethic)

"If you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly
useless manner, you have learned how to live."
- Lin Yutang

"Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy."
- Charlie McCarthy

"Punctuality is the thief of time."
- Oscar Wilde

"The sooner I fall behind, the more time I have to catch up."
- Anonymous

"The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time."
- Bertrand Russell

contributed by Andy Mann