TO COME CLEAN!
fragments – or, more accurately, aspects of my multidimensional Self -
have been accumulating and reintegrating in my conscious memory since 1969.
This isn’t a continuous process. Many years go by when I am not aware of
or bothered by these furtive intimations of immortality.
parallel life inserts itself into my immediate reality and I don’t know
what it means or how to use it until much later. For instance, I came across
the name Chthulu in my teen years, chancing upon some paperback reprints
of H.P. Lovecraft’s gothic tales of terror. At the time all Chthulu
represented to me was some indescribably hideous and scary monster from
the subterranean depths of our collective unconscious, something you wouldn’t
want to meet in a dark alley.
I read two stimulating novels by Colin Wilson (The Mind Parasites
and Philospher’s Stone) and there was further light shed on this
Chthulu character: Wilson acknowledged Lovecraft’s source material but
painted a somewhat different portrait of this entity, the first God-King
of Mu, whom he called Ktolo and described as a very lonely being that after
aeons of absolute rule in this remote sector of the galaxy turned somewhat
misanthropic and withdrew from mortal view. Within generations Ktolo had
entered the realm of myth as The Ineffable and Terrifying Presence, the
Nameless One All Souls Have To Face On Judgment Day, and so on.
Ktolo had become the Devourer of Souls, the Invisible God all men feared.
Him it was who installed the earliest machinery of remote government on
this planet. It facilitated the smooth administration of Mu’s far-flung
colonies and kept everything humming along in apparently orderly fashion.
Greed and Fear, Carrot and Stick: the tried and tested Management Method
still in use today, after all these hoary millennia.
story might well have inspired the legend of the Beauty and the Beast,
in that he had begun to regress to the point where he felt himself too
grotesquely complex, too repugnant, too horrible to ever be loved.
What became of Chthulu-Ktolo? No one knows and no one dares speculate.
We may assume that Ktolo got so bored with existence that he longed for
death, a permanent end to it all. But, alas, dying is just as illusory
and transient as being born: Ktolo found himself scattered over time in
myriad incarnations, each with a built-in dread of regaining total recall,
for that would only result in Ktolo finding himself trapped in his own
ego for eternity.
We do know,
from documentary evidence collected and translated by the enigmatic James
Churchward, that after the long reign of Ktolo, one of his descendants
rose to new heights of popularity as King Ahau of Mu (aka One Hunahpu).
This was just before the destruction of Lemuria, circa 83,000 B.C.E.
It was about
10 years ago in Bundoora (an aboriginal burial site in Victoria, Australia,
where once stood a prediluvian stone circle) that my memory of having been
Ktolo reactivated. I realized then that even in my present incarnation
I had retained the same consonants (KTL) in my 3D name, Kit Leee. For some
reason, many people, even old friends, have insisted on addressing me as
“Kitleee” instead of just “Kit.” Now I understood why!
of my life as Ktolo only recently struck home, after I obtained a Skyview
Astrochart from my friend Katharina
Bless. My lifelong antagonism towards all forms of external authority
(in other words, government, bureaucratic control mechanisms) suddenly
made perfect sense. Who would know better how detrimental government was
to true spirituality than the one who instituted it on this planet during
the infancy of human civilization!
folks… I’m the bloody nincompoop who introduced bureaucracy to Earth!!!
not the end of it. I just finished reading a 730-page account of Sir Frank
Swettenham’s career as a colonial agent in Malaya. He arrived as a fresh-faced
cadet in 1871 and by 1883 had been appointed British Resident of Selangor.
It took him another 12 years to become Resident-General of the Federated
Malay States and another 6 to be made Governor of Singapore. Before he
opted for early retirement in 1904, he was named High Commissioner of the
Straits Settlements as well. In short, Sir Frank was perhaps the most ambitious
and hardheaded imperialist that ever clawed his way to fame and fortune
between the 19th and 20th centuries.
And it was
he who introduced the idea of “development and progress” to what was once
a tropical sleepy hollow, more than 90% of which was covered with luxuriant
jungle (today we’re lucky if there’s even 45% left). Indeed, Sir Frank
Swettenham was the blithering idiot whose excellent but environmentally
destructive work on behalf of Ego and Empire I’ve been battling to undo
in the last 11 years. Throughout his illustrious career in Malaya,
Frank was known to support the political supremacy of the Malay chiefs
and his final act, two months before he finally checked out at the overripe
age of 96, was to write a strong letter of protest against the proposal
of the Malayan Union which would have granted all ethnic groups full rights
as citizens under the Union Jack. With the benefit of hindsight, this was
perhaps a far better idea than leaving state affairs in the hands of unscrupulous
pirate kings and scheming grand viziers!
again, I only have myself to blame because I was that pompous bastard (can’t
recall how I stumbled upon this particular realization but I’ve known it
As for other
lives, other personae, there’s much I have to say – but not here, not now
– takes too much work putting it all in words. Language itself tends towards
linearity and can never satisfactorily express the nonlinearity of multidimensional
experience. However, it CAN hint at interconnections and far-flung associations
and inspire fairly instructive analogies and metaphors.
For now, let’s
just say that I have no one to accuse of screwing up the world but various
aspects of myself (including those directly involved with the Anunnaki
colonization of the planet about 440,000 earthyears ago). Yes, the atrocious
misbehaviour of covert agencies like Mossad, MI6 and the CIA stems from
my own fear of being dethroned, of losing control. The megalomania of industrial
tycoons like Bill Gates, Jr is a spinoff of my own deepest, darkest desire
to be the Sole Star in the firmament, the Only Living Deity (and a jealous
one, to boot, who will tolerate no graven images lest they present my likeness
in an unfavourable light).
So what does
one do in view of this terribly incriminating self-knowledge? For
a start, laugh and forgive oneself one’s apparent trespasses and stupidities.
Next, to acknowledge that there is ultimately no one “out there” causing
all these problems: it’s only bits of oneself that have yet to be brought
safely home and celebrated as prodigal sons and daughters of our own limitless
being. Why curse our experiential vehicles when they break down? We designed
them and we must own up to minor design flaws, all of which can easily
be rectified as soon as we learn to outgrow being embarrassed by our own
excesses and oversights. Hey, Mr Hyde, you can’t hide forever!
grace, may I be fully reintegrated and healed by the end of this Gregorian
year 2003, so that henceforth and ever after all will know peace, unity,
harmony, perfect joy, and endless bounty.
Currently Going By The User ID:
9 January 2003