(contributed by C.D. Hoit)


Dear Tech Support Person (TSP):

Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system
initialization where it monitors all other system activity.
Applications such as Pokernight 10.3 and Beerbash 2.5 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

I cannot seem to purge Wife 1.0 from my system. I am thinking about
going back to Girlfriend 1.0 but un-install does not work on this
program. Can you help me?

Theodore Bostwick Mann.


Dear Theo,

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES &

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run
Everything. WARNING: DO NOT TRY TO: un-install, delete, or purge the program from the system once installed. Trying to un-install  Wife 1.0 can be disastrous. Doing so may destroy your hard and/or floppy drive. Trying to un-install or remove Wife 1.0 will destroy valuable system resources. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under Warnings: Alimony/Child Support. Others have tried to run Girlfriend 1.0 in the background, while Wife 1.0 is running. Eventually Wife 1.0 detects Girlfriend 1.0 and a system conflict occurs. This can lead to a non-recoverable system crash. Some users have tried to download similar products such as Fling or 1NiteStand. Often their systems have become infected with a virus. I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation.

Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the
entire section regarding General Protection Faults (GPFs). You must
assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur.
The best course of action is to push Apologize button then reset button as soon as lock-up occurs. System will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program but is very high maintenance.

Suggestions for improving operation of Wife 1.0: Daily use of
utilities such as TLC.

(s) TSP

*MCP = Menopausal Computer Programmer