Subject: The Power of Unified Polarities
Date: Tue, 14 Jul 1998 18:52:46 -0700
From: Antares <>
Organization: Magick River
To: John Hammell <>

John, you wrote:
What country were you in when you were locked up? I was locked up for 4 years.

Malaysia. The doctors found me an "interesting" subject because I was
articulate. My "psychosis" began with a period of weeks when I was
supercharged with energy, hardly sleeping and ingesting very little
solid food for days while preoccupied with metaphysical questions. I
really wanted to "crack the Mystery" once and for all! Soon everyone I
saw I recognized as an aspect of myself. I was somehow connected with
everyone who'd ever lived on this planet right up till the "end of Time."
It was only natural that I'd hit on the simple truth that the "Christ"
is not a personal name but a State of Being. Anyway, when I explained to
the doctor on my case that I was somewhat "megalomanic" but in a totally
"nice" way: I wasn't interested in Power Over Others - I only wanted to
bliss out in the sense of absolute safety and belonging and infinite
celebration I was feeling. After about three months, the doctor said
he was hoping to do a special study on me for his post-grad dissertation.
I wasn't too keen on the idea and he then said he could keep me in there
INDEFINITELY - unless I agreed to a course of three ECTs. I agreed. It
was painless but scrambled my deep memory connections for nearly 20
years. (I vaguely remembered the euphoria, the ecstasy of it all - but
I'd forgotten the WHY of it all. Only in late 1989 did the last pieces of
the puzzle fall into place!)

I never accepted any of the shit they tried to lay on me, which is the
only reason I got well. There is a genetic incidence of biochemical
imbalances in my family, and I was having a serious problem
functioning, but mainstream psychiatry doesn't have answers for anyone,
they don't know anything about clinical nutrition or any other
alternative healing modes.

Well, my great-grandfather in China was noted for three qualities: he
began as a serious scholar, had a severe nervous breakdown, experienced
a miracle cure by a Methodist faith healer, and later founded the first
Methodist mission in Sibu, Sarawak (on Borneo Island). I suppose my
own "trip" is an extension of his through time! I also have an elder
brother, 56, who's rather paranoid-reclusive & believes he's an ET agent,
waiting to be "airlifted" out of this cosmic battle zone. So there may be
a basis for the genetic hypothesis - but I think if you dig deep enough,
you'll find "one in every crowd." Every family line carries the "mutant"
gene which manifests as genius, artistic/shamanic ability, or "mental
illness." (In my own case I believe it's all three!!! :-)

Did you do a lot of acid like Leary did?

Fortunately, I only tried acid AFTER the 1969 episode - so no one can
say my experiences were "drug-induced." My verdict: LSD-25 reinstates the
condition of Divine Madness! Since then I haven't had more than 6 or 7
trips (it's hard to obtain here) but psilocybin mushrooms are a very
therapeutic - and much more organic - substitute. I use them perhaps
three or four times a year; sometimes we get a bumper season and friends
come around ready to party, so they've become more like an indulgence
than a sacrament or serious research tool.

Do you still experience hallucinations?

I've never actually hallucinated, John. But the genetic archives open up
& I get a flood of deep insights which endure long afterwards - I know
because I later research the material objectively. Most of it checks out,
except for the purely subjective stuff which can't be verified externally

The software you are using says its July 14 where you are. Its still
July 13 here in Florida. Did you write this message before having a
chance to see my previous one?

Yes. Soon as I posted it, yours came thru. Zip. Zap.

How did you come to live in Malaysia? Are you from there originally?

Yes. Born & bred here, though I spent a heckuva significant year in
New Jersey between 1967 & 1968... which speaks volumes, doesn't it?


Light/Life/Love/Levity/Longevity & Lotsa Laughs to you!