Wagster's Dictionary
{ contributed by Vernon A. Emuang, Izlyn Ramli & Jane Thorpe}

The Washington Post's "Style Invitational" asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some recent winners:

Abdicate :  to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Carcinoma:  a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.

Esplanade:  to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly:  impotent

Flabbergasted:  appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Gargoyle:  an olive-flavored mouthwash.

Bustard:  a very rude Metrobus driver.

Coffee:  a person who is coughed upon.

Flatulence:  the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are runover by a steamroller.

Balderdash:  a rapidly receding hairline.

Testicle:  a humorous question on an exam.

Semantics:  pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things
 as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers.

Rectitude:  the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he
 examines you.

Oyster:  a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

Circumvent:  the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

Frisbatarianism:  the belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck

Osteopornosis:  a degenerate disease.

Negligent:  describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

Lymph:  to walk with a lisp.

Ignoranus:  a person who's both stupid and an asshole.

Reintarnation:  coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Foreploy:  Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.

Giraffiti:  Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Tatyr:  A lecherous Mr. Potato Head.

Sarchasm:  The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte:  To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis:  Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis:  A degenerate disease.

Burglesque:  A poorly planned break-in. (See: Watergate)

Karmageddon:  It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And
 then like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.

Glibido:  All talk and no action.

Dopeler effect:  The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Intaxication:  Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was
 your money to start with.

Blamestorming:  Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was  missed or a project
 failed, and who was responsible

Salmon Day:  The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get
 screwed and die in the end.

Seagull Manager:  A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything,
 and then leaves.

Cube Farm:  An office filled with cubicles

Prairie Dogging:  When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's
 heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

Mouse Potato: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

SITCOMs: (Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive  Mortgage).  What yuppies turn into when
 they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids

Stress Puppy: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny

Swiped Out:  An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip
 is worn away from extensive use.

Assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by
 kissing up to the boss rather than working hard

Percussive Maintenance: The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it

Adminisphere: The organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file.  Decisions that
 fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they
 were designed to solve.

404:  Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found"

Ohnosecond: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG

WOOFYs:  Well Off Older Folks

{contributed by Adriana Yamane}

1) Arachnoleptic fit (n.) The frantic dance performed when you notice
   a spider crawling down your neck.

2) Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding silly people, that stops
   bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer,  unfortunately,
   shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

3) Decaflon (n.) The grueling event of getting through the day
   consuming only things that are good for you.

4) Extraterrestaurant (n.) An eating place where you feel you've been
   abducted and experimented upon. Also known as an E-T-ry.

5) Grantartica (n.) The cold, isolated place where art companies dwell
   without funding.